Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The Never-Ending Transformation...

Today when I took time to UNPLUG and be still...I started thinking about my story and the obstacles that I've had to overcome in my life...

The transformations that have taken place in me that have made me who I am today...a woman of God who is strong and knowing that I can do all things through Christ!
 
Broken Home
Rejection & Abandonment Issues
Shame & Guilt for getting pregnant before married
Financial Struggles
Perfectionism
Low self-esteem
Control Freak
Anxiety
Panic Attacks
Chronic Physical Pain 
 
But out of all of these struggles the one area of my life that has done the most damage in my life is FEAR!
 
Ever since I was a child I have always been fearful. Fear of not being excepted, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being loved, fear of being alone, fear of losing loved ones, fear of being imperfect, and many more!
 
These fears developed behaviors in me that caused me to try to control everything around me so that I could protect myself from not getting hurt.
 
Fear made me an uptight, controlling, stressed out person. And I never had peace in my life!
As years went by other bad habits were formed, other struggles were confronted and the internal fear just continued to grow.
 
Fast forward and when I had my third child the ultimate fear was placed in front of me... the fear of something happening to me and my children not having a mother.
 
On June 6 of 2012, when I first had my panic attack I truly felt like my life was over! And my fear skyrocketed. Anytime I had a headache, unexplained physical symptoms, airplanes rides, confrontations, being alone when husband traveled, taking a bath without anyone being home...just the thought about anything fearful happening to me and or a loss of control, I would have a panic attack.
Lies were spoken over me from doctors and fear began to cripple me. Medication wasn't working... Nothing was working and that's when I realized that I couldn't do it on my own. I have always loved Jesus with all my heart but it wasn't until that day that I was completely broken that I realized I needed Jesus more then ever at the center of my life! Any fearful thought would throw me into panic attacks whether I was driving my kids in the car, out at the grocery store, or even out at dinner with friends. There were even nights when I would wake up with them and I would have to wake my husband so he could help me calm down.
 
I was at a complete loss of how fear could have that much power over me!  I saw a counselor every week, I read Joyce Meyers and other self-help books.  I daily replaced lies with the truth from Scripture and that is also when I drastically changed my life with the way I ate and exercised. My life had been completely uprooted and flipped upside down and I had no control over it.
But as I write this transformation to you, I realize that even though that was the darkest place in my life I now know that God had every intention to use it for good. I know that if that one specific moment on June 6 never would've happened I never would have faced all the fears that have been built up in my life. I had so many strongholds and barriers related to fear that was causing me to miss out on peace and joy in my life. My fears were ultimately stopping me from being the best woman, wife, mom, and daughter I could be.
 
The thing is...I'm not done being transformed. I know that I will forever struggle with fear and anxiety but I know that with God all things are possible!
 
I am a forever work in progress, I do not try to be perfect because I know that I am imperfect in every way but I know that through God and with his help I will find balance of overcoming my fears and living a happy, fulfilled, and joyful life. I will not let fear cripple me anymore. I know that God has so much more for me and for me it all starts with my thoughts.
 
You have to change your mindset! And you have to make a daily effort to replace those fears and those lies from Satan with the word of truth and that's how you overcome fear. That's how God gives you freedom!
 
So I am proud to say that I am still in the middle of my journey and every day I am continually being restored, renewed, and, set free from those lies that I fear the most!
During this time, I was afraid to talk to anyone because I was afraid of being judged and look down upon that I didn't have control, that I was controlled by fear. But I want to tell YOU, whoever you are, if you're struggling with anything like this, reach out and connect with someone that can help you. I felt so alone during this time and we are not meant to do it alone!  God doesn't want you to do it alone. Face your fear, get help, and make the change that will ultimately change your life forever!
I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future.
 
Fear not for I am with you says the Lord do not look around you in terror and be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you and I will hold you up with my right hand!
 
YOU are Fearfully and wonderfully made!

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